Dance Into Destiny Page 26

  Her smile faded. “Now all I have to do is tell him.”

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  After church on Sunday, Quinton stepped into Pastor Kendrick’s office and shut the door behind him. He cleared his throat.

  Pastor Kendrick looked up. “Hey Quint-man, what’s up?”

  Quinton and Pastor Kendrick had gotten close since he’d joined the staff. They ate lunch together almost daily and talked about the church, ministry, and life in general. At least once a week, Quinton had dinner with Pastor Kendrick’s family, and the two of them played basketball all the time.

  Quinton shifted from side to side, rubbing his hands together.

  Pastor Kendrick closed his notebook. “Have a seat, man. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

  Quinton sat on the edge of his chair. Not meeting Pastor Kendrick’s eyes, he said, “Uumm, I’m not quite sure how to say this or really what I’m asking, but . . . well, I need some advice of sorts.”

  “Okay. Shoot.”

  Quinton took a deep breath. “The last time I dated a woman, I wasn’t saved. And now that I am saved, well, I don’t know how to uh . . . I don’t know what I’m supposed to uh . . .”

  Pastor Kendrick held up his hand. “Hey, man, forget talking youth pastor to pastor, and talk to me brother to brother. I may be a pastor, but I’m a man first.”

  Quinton loosened up a little. “Man, I’ve never felt this way about anyone. When I was growing up, it was all about getting some.” He paused for a minute to gauge Pastor Kendrick’s response. When there was none, he decided it was safe to keep talking.

  “Then when I was in college, you know, I was this big basketball star. You can’t imagine how easy it was, you know to . . . I mean, women throwing it at you. So, being the young stupid kid I was, I got all I could get. Then later I got engaged and still didn’t have any restrictions on, well you know . . .

  “And then we broke up and I got saved and it was just me and God. So now, I don’t know how to date as a Christian. I mean, what’s proper, you know? Some people say you should only group date until you get married, others say date only in public places and never be alone together. Others say it’s okay to be alone together, but not at night. I want to do this right. I want to be an example for the kids and I would never want to do anything to hurt . . .” He let out a deep breath and sat back in his seat.

  “I thought I knew what love was before, but now I know I know. If this isn’t love, I don’t want to ever be in love, because if real love is any stronger than what I’m feeling right now, I don’t know what I’d do. I can barely function. I want to be with her and see her and I think about her all the time . . .”

  Quinton felt very vulnerable saying all this, but he had to talk to someone about it. Pastor Kendrick had become the big brother he never had.

  Pastor Kendrick sat for a few seconds. “I have to be honest. As a pastor, I’ve never wanted to run my members’ lives. I know a lot of pastors who dictate their members’ lives down to what they wear and where they’re ‘allowed’ to go. I figure if you have the Word of God and His Spirit in you, He should dictate to you what you do. But since you asked . . .”

  He rubbed his goatee. “I think it’s safe to start out dating with other people or being out in public. At a certain point, you start to seek God about whether this person is your mate or not. If you believe she is, then things start to change and then it gets difficult. That point between when you decide to get serious, and the time you walk down the aisle and say ‘I do’ . . . man, I would never want to go through that again. It’s pure torture.”

  Quinton furrowed his eyebrows. This wasn’t exactly the advice he was expecting, but he appreciated Pastor Kendrick’s honesty. “I thought it was just me.”

  Pastor Kendrick laughed. “Naw, it ain’t just you. It’s any man trying to live for God and do things right. The urge is bad enough when you’re just trying to ‘get some’ as you say. When you’re actually in love, like you appear to be . . . it’s ten times worse. It’s the natural progression of things. That’s the way God made us. You love a person, and everything in you is made to want to take it to that level.”

  “So what do I do?”

  Pastor Kendrick leaned forward as if he was about to tell Quinton the secret to the meaning of life. “You play it safe.” He leaned back in his chair, as if he had just preached his best sermon.

  “What does that mean?”

  “You make sure you don’t give the enemy, or your flesh or your natural, God-given desires, any room to make you do something your spirit man doesn’t want you to do. Obviously, after you get that serious, group dating only is not realistic. There’s no way you can fully get to know someone you want to spend the rest of your life with that way. On the other hand, it’s not realistic to think you can sit on the couch late at night hugged up under a blanket watching Love Jones. The right answer is somewhere in between.”

  Quinton nodded.

  Pastor Kendrick continued, “You have to decide where that safe place is for you. Some men don’t allow a kiss on the cheek or handholding because they know themselves and where that will end up. Others don’t even trust themselves to be in a room alone with their future mate. Other men can trust themselves to have private dates at home and they know the evening will end with a hug and kiss at the door. You have to know you and what you would do. And then—stay safe.”

  Quinton was relieved. It wasn’t so bad after all.

  Pastor Kendrick had one last bit of advice. “Never overestimate yourself. Never say, ‘I wouldn’t do this’, or ‘I’d never do that’. Don’t think that you’re stronger than you actually are. Never underestimate the power of love and your ‘physical nature’. It’s more powerful than you think. The minute you think you won’t fall is the minute you fall.”

  Quinton smiled, but then realized how serious Pastor Kendrick was. He made a mental note of this last piece of advice. He stood, feeling as if he had gotten all the help he needed. “Thanks, Pastor. I really want to do right. I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt . . . this woman.”

  “This woman?” Pastor Kendrick laughed. “Aaawww, man, I thought we was keeping it real. I know good and well who you’re talking about. Shoot, the whole church knows.”

  Quinton’s eyes flew open.

  That made Pastor Kendrick laugh even harder. “Please, man, I know you guys are trying to be discreet, or whatever , but both of you turn complete fool when the other one is in the room. Can’t talk right, can’t walk right, can’t do nothing right. Please! You might as well relax and be real, ’cause y’all ain’t fooling nobody. Even the kids whisper and make bets about when you’re gonna get married.”

  Quinton didn’t realize it was so obvious. He bit his lip.

  Pastor Kendrick slapped him on the back. “I couldn’t be happier that you guys are together. I think you guys make a great couple and a truly godly couple. I’m excited to see what God will accomplish through the two of you together for the Kingdom.”

  “Thanks, man. That means a lot to me.” He hadn’t realized how much Pastor Kendrick’s approval would mean to him until that moment. He was happy he had his blessing.

  Pastor Kendrick lifted a finger. “One last piece of advice. This may be premature, but two simple words that saved me and Jenell. Short engagement.”

  “Huh?”

  “Christians ain’t got no business talking about we’re engaged and the wedding is a year from now. You think it’s hard now? Wait ’til you know you’re definitely getting married. You start imagining your life together, and start that wedding night countdown. It becomes near to impossible. I’m not sure even the godliest of men can stay holy under those circumstances if the engagement is far away.”

  Pastor Kendrick’s phone rang. He smiled as he looked at the caller ID and picked it up. “Hey, you.”

  Quinton started toward the door.

  Pastor Kendrick called behind him, “Hey, Jenell cooked up a big Sunday dinner. Now that the truth is ou
t, why don’t the two of you join us?”

  Quinton grinned. “Yeah, man. That sounds great.”

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  A few weeks later, Keeva rolled over, reaching blindly to silence the annoying phone. “Hello?”

  “Keev, it’s me. Get dressed. I want to take you somewhere.”

  “Shara, it’s 6:30 on a Sunday morning. Are you insane?”

  “Come on, Keeva, this is really important. I’ll pick you up at 7:15.”

  Keeva gave Shara the evilest look she could muster when she pulled up at her apartment building. “This better be good.”

  “It will be. I promise.”

  Keeva sat in a sleepy daze in the car for a while. She brought her hand to her mouth to cover a yawn.

  “Keeva, your finger is empty!”

  Keeva finished yawning. “I know. Mark came over last night and I gave the ring back.”

  “Oh my goodness. Why didn’t you tell me? I would have let you rest this morning.”

  Keeva waved her concern away. “No, it’s cool. I’m fine, actually. Anyway, I probably need one of your little surprises right about now.”

  “Are you okay? How did it go?”

  Keeva rolled her eyes. “How do you think?”

  She closed her eyes and laid her head back on the headrest, thinking about the previous evening.

  She knew giving the ring back would be difficult, but she hadn’t expected it would be that bad.

  Mark had paced back and forth in her loft. “You get in with these holy rollers and all of a sudden you’re throwing away everything we’ve worked so hard for! What did those people do to you? What about our future together? What about all our plans?”

  “Our plans? Those were your plans. I don’t care about the big house, fancy cars and country clubs and all that stuff. And I certainly don’t want to be a politician’s wife like my mom.”

  “I can’t believe you’re saying this.”

  “Mark, I’ve been unhappy in this relationship for a long time. I’ve been trying to tell you that. I can’t marry you. Why can’t you accept that?”

  “Because I love you. How can you say you’re unhappy? We’ve had a wonderful four years together.”

  “You’ve had four wonderful years. I’m telling you I’ve been unhappy.”

  “I can’t believe you’ve let them brainwash you. I’ve heard about those holy roller cults, but I never imagined you’d get taken in by one. You’re too intelligent for that.”

  “It’s not a cult. And this has nothing to do with the church. This is about you and me. Don’t bring the church into it.”

  “How can I not? Our relationship was perfectly fine until you started going there. They’ve changed you. Why can’t you see that? I don’t know who you are anymore.”

  “You never knew who I was before. I didn’t know who I was before.”

  Her voice softened. “For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m finding out who I am and know what I want out of life. I’ve never felt that before. I always did what my parents did, and thought what my parents thought, and accepted the dreams they had for me and let go of my own. Then when we got together, I did what you did, and thought what you thought. Now I want to be my own person. I want to live my own dreams.”

  “Oh, so this is my fault now? I was controlling you and keeping you from living your dreams? I can’t believe I’m hearing this. Why don’t you call me when you’re making sense.”

  Keeva jumped, remembering the force with which the door had rattled from his anger.

  “Keeva?” Shara looked over at her.

  “You know what’s funny? When he left, I sat there, waiting to cry, but no tears came. All I felt was . . . relief. I mean—I know it will probably hurt later, but . . .” She let out a long breath. “I don’t think it’s over in his mind, though. He left screaming for me to call him when I’m making sense. I hope he doesn’t try to drag this out.”

  Shara rubbed her arm.

  They pulled up at a large church building.

  Keeva read the sign, New Life Christian Church. “What’s this?”

  Shara answered, “This is one of our sister churches. Bishop Thompson really helped Pastor Kendrick out when he was first getting started. I want to show you something.”

  Keeva was overwhelmed by the size of the church. The sanctuary was huge like a performing arts theater. The choir looked like an army.

  They had two dancers on stage during the praise and worship. Keeva was sure that was what Shara wanted her to see. Was that what Shara meant by dancing being about Christ? They were good and it was a nice addition to the praise and worship, but it still wasn’t anything like Alvin Ailey.

  A large choir sang and then a sign flashed at the bottom of the screens, Epichoreago Dance Troupe.

  Shara bounced in her seat. “Here we go.”

  One dancer came out on the stage and the music started. Keeva recognized the song, “Set the Atmosphere,” from one of Shara’s CD’s—Kurt Carr’s Awesome Wonder. It was one of those songs Shara drove her crazy with, playing it over and over.

  The dancer moved passionately to the words of the song and then was joined by other dancers who came down the aisles. They all met at the front and danced a perfectly choreographed worship scene. Their white, satin outfits flowed and billowed with every movement they did.

  Tears streamed down Keeva’s face. The dancing was beautiful, but it was more than that. Something deep inside of her was stirring, engaging in a dance of its own. She felt as if something were coming alive in her soul, like things were coming together and making sense. She stood while the dancers were still dancing, overwhelmed by the beauty of it. The tears kept flowing and she lifted her hands. She wasn’t the only one moved by it. By the time the song reached its climax, others were standing and lifting their hands also.

  The CD stopped playing, but the church musicians picked up right where it left off. The dancers kept dancing, improvising. People flowed down to the altar. Keeva didn’t know why, but she was drawn also.

  She was feeling that God-thing again, coming over her in waves. It was so strong this time she could barely stand up. She started trembling. Bishop Thompson suddenly got up, walked across the stage and stood in front of her. He whispered in her ear and then softly touched her forehead.

  Keeva felt a huge wave of the God-thing, and next thing she knew, an usher was helping her up off the floor. She slipped back into her seat beside Shara.

  When they got back to the car, Keeva said, “Shara, I’m never going anywhere with you again. I can’t believe he pulled a Benny Hinn on me!”

  “What?”

  “That falling out on the floor thing, like they do on Benny Hinn’s show. You know that guy on the Christian television station.”

  Shara stifled a giggle.

  “What happened to me?”

  “I don’t know. You’re the one that fell out on the floor.”

  “Shara! Explain it to me. I thought that stuff was fake when I saw it on TV.”

  “You tell me what happened.”

  Keeva put her hand to her cheek. “I was watching the dancers and . . . it spoke to me. When I was watching the lead dancer, it was like something in her was talking to something in me. Then Bishop Thompson came up and whispered something in my ear like he knew me. What was that?”

  Shara said, “Remember the first time you met Mother Hobbs and you swore I told her something about you, and you asked me if she was psychic? And then when Pastor preached that sermon the day you got saved and you swore I had been talking to him? It’s the Holy Spirit talking through a prophetic gift.”

  “Then he barely touched me and I felt the God-thing like in praise and worship, and—”

  “The God-thing?”

  “Yeah, that’s my name for it. Sometimes in praise and worship, or when Pastor Kendrick is preaching, I feel this thing. It’s like waves of . . . I don’t know, goodness and warmth and love . . . like electric tingles. Anyway, I felt it when he
touched me, but it was much bigger, like a big tidal wave. I felt like I was engulfed in . . . I don’t know—the God-thing is all I can say. Then I was getting up. What is that?”

  Shara smiled. “Actually, the God-thing isn’t such a bad name for it. I guess that’s really what it is—the presence of God, or the Holy Spirit. What did he whisper in your ear?”

  Keeva’s eyes sparkled. “That God called me to be His dancer—to dance to display His glory. Not only will I dance, but I will lead a group of dancers. I’ll bring life to those I lead, and my dance troupe will bring new life to those that see us dance. Then he said God was releasing His anointing on me to fulfill His purpose for my life.”

  “Keeva, that’s a great word!” Shara slowed down as she approached a stop sign.

  “What do you mean?”

  “That’s what we call it, a word from God. It’s like God sending you a message through another person. Sometimes He talks to us through other people to give us direction or to confirm something that we’re thinking, but we’re not sure it’s Him.”

  “Does that mean that’s what my purpose and destiny is?”

  “Sounds like that’s a part of it. You’ll have to seek Him for direction and insight.”

  “What do you mean, ‘seek Him’? I always hear you guys saying ‘God said’ or ‘the Lord told me’. What does that mean? You can actually hear God talking to you?”

  Shara wrinkled her nose. “You don’t hear an actual voice. You just get this impression in your spirit.”

  Keeva frowned.

  Shara was quiet for a second as she looked over her shoulder, then sped up to merge onto the freeway. She continued, “It’s almost like thoughts inside your head that you hear, but it’s not you thinking them, you’re hearing them, but they don’t sound like a voice, they sound like thoughts. It has this feeling to it though, like the God-thing feeling and you know it’s not from you, it has to be from Him.”

  “Well, how do you know it’s Him and not you?”