Finding Mrs. Wright Read online

I scooted closer to reach her and wrapped my arms around her. “I love you too, baby girl.”

  My parents were smiling quietly in the front seat. I leaned back against the headrest with a smile of my own inside.

  A few minutes later Brianna interrupted me with, “Daddy, how come Miss Cassandra brought you to get me last night?”

  Pops looked at me in the mirror with his eyebrow raised.

  “I was at Miss Cassandra’s house at a party when you called me. She was worried when she heard you were sick and wanted to bring me.”

  Brianna was quiet for a second, but I braced myself for her next question.

  “Daddy, remember when I asked you about making Miss Cassandra my real mama and your wife?”

  My parents were stifling laughter in the front seat. Mom came to my rescue. “Brianna, remember when we talked about little girl things and grown-up things?”

  Brianna nodded.

  “Well, that’s definitely a grown-up thing. It’s not something that little girls should be asking about.”

  That quieted Brianna for only half a minute. “But if I don’t have a mama anymore and if Cassandra could be my real mama, isn’t that a grown-up thing and a little girl thing at the same time?”

  “Your mama will always be your mama, even if you don’t go and live with her anymore. Once somebody is your mama, that never changes.” Mom spoke in her teacher voice.

  “But she’s not a real mama. So that doesn’t count.”

  Pops said, “Brianna, I think what your Gammy is trying to tell you is that your mother will always be there for you, even if the diabetes makes it difficult to take care of you. So you still have a mama, okay?”

  Brianna folded her arms and pouted. “She’s not a real mama, though.”

  I let out an exasperated breath.

  “Brianna . . .” My mother’s voice could still get that warning tone that let you know that whatever you were doing you needed to stop or there would be consequences. Me and my sister rarely got beatings. All my mother had to do was say our names in that voice and we would get ourselves together.

  “Yes, Gammy.” Brianna still had a pout on her face, letting me know the issue wasn’t settled with her. She was quiet for a second, then said, “So do I get to go to art class today?”

  “Brianna . . .” My mom’s tone was a little more firm. Brianna was really pushing it.

  “What, Gammy? I didn’t say anything about real mamas, I just asked if I could go to art class.”

  “Not today, baby girl,” I said to rescue my daughter from my mother’s stern discipline. “You just got out of the hospital, remember?”

  “I know, but . . .”

  “But what?”

  “I wanna see Miss Cassandra.” She said it low, under her breath. I guessed she didn’t want her grandmother to hear for fear of getting the voice again.

  “How ’bout we go home and rest and then go to church tomorrow? You’ll have her all morning in children’s church.”

  “Okay, Daddy.” Luckily that seemed to satisfy her and she let me off the hook from any further Miss Cassandra conversation. For the rest of the trip home, Mom, Dad, and Brianna chatted about all the things they would do that week when Brianna came home from school. I rested my eyes until we pulled up in my driveway.

  My parents decided that they needed to drop me off and let me get some sleep and they would take Brianna for the rest of the day. I was too tired to protest. I gave Brianna a kiss and a hug, thanked my parents profusely, and stumbled my tired self into the house.

  The problem was, when I did get in my bed, too many thoughts kept walking through my mind and I couldn’t fall asleep. I lay there, staring at the ceiling, thinking through them all.

  Brianna needed to be back in school to have some normalcy back in her life, but we had a doctor’s appointment first thing Monday morning. I also had to meet with the social worker as part of our agreement for letting Brianna out of the hospital so early. Then I had to go meet with her teachers at the school to let them know what was going on and make sure they could handle the diabetes. Maybe I needed to type up the same instruction sheets that I wrote out for Shauntae and distribute them to her teachers. Or maybe I needed to find some stuff on the Internet I could print out.

  The diabetes educator said that all the kids in Brianna’s class could benefit from a little instruction on her disease so anyone would know how to react if something happened to her. I didn’t want her to be treated differently. But, then again, I guessed that was unavoidable. Would the school nurse give the shots or would the teacher?

  And then there was the whole custody issue. A couple of years ago, I had started researching the process and it was long and drawn out. I had enough money saved to start the legal proceedings, but that would leave me wiped out. My parents had instilled in me to always keep a nest egg stashed away and untouched. I needed that now more than ever since Brianna was sick.

  But I couldn’t let my parents tap into their savings. Better mine than theirs. When I had checked it out before, the process could take months, even more than a year. No telling how many times we would have to go to court and what the toll would be on Brianna. I didn’t expect Shauntae to give up easy. Maybe it would be quicker with Brianna’s illness and Shauntae leaving her in the house alone. Maybe I could do some sort of emergency petition or something. No matter what, the whole thing was going to be a huge headache. A necessary one, but a headache nonetheless.

  The thoughts kept flowing without me getting a lick of sleep until my phone rang. I was surprised to see Cassandra’s name because I didn’t realize it was late enough for her to be out of art class.

  “Hey, Devon. You guys still in the hospital?”

  “No, I’m home actually.” I told her about the deal I made so we could leave. “Mom and Pop took Brianna and I’m supposed to be getting some rest.”

  “Oops, my bad. Let me let you go then.”

  “Naw, I can’t sleep. Too much going on in my mind.”

  “Wassup?”

  I let out a deep breath. “Just everything that’s going on. I ain’t trying to burden you with all my junk.”

  “It’s not a burden, playa. I’m listening.”

  I could hear her getting into her car and slamming the door. I heard the car start up. “Where you headed?”

  “I planned on coming to the hospital but now that you guys aren’t there . . .”

  “You feel like stopping by?”

  She was quiet for a second. I could almost hear her thinking. She finally said, “Hmmmm . . . It’s usually against my rules to go to a man’s house alone, but if you promise to behave, I guess it’ll be okay.”

  I gave her directions and then jumped up to run through the shower real quick before she got there. After I threw on some athletic pants and a T-shirt, I looked through the refrigerator and cabinets to see if there was anything to eat. There were a few Tupperware containers with food for Brianna but not much else. That was another thing I needed to do—grocery shopping. Because of Brianna’s binge at her mother’s house, I probably needed to only keep “Brianna-safe” food in the house for a while.

  Cassandra finally showed up twenty minutes after the time it should have taken her to get there. She held up a couple of white bags with grease stains on them. “I thought you might be hungry. Hope you like Moe’s.”

  “Oh yeah.” I led her into the kitchen, and the smell of Mexican spices filled the house. “I likes Moe’s.” I was glad I kept the house clean most of the time. Didn’t want her to think I was a slob. The only messy place was Brianna’s room and I kept her door closed.

  “I got us some burritos with the works.”

  We feasted on tortilla chips and three different kinds of salsa and huge burritos with everything in them while we talked. I told her about my dealings with Shauntae at the hospital the night before.

  “Hmph, did you talk to the social worker? You shoulda had her butt put in jail.”

  “I see them on Monday. I don’t
need to put her in jail, though. I think she got the picture.”

  Cassandra put down her burrito and stared at me in disbelief. “You can’t be serious. You think she’s gonna give up that easy? Please, she ain’t letting go of that check without a fight.”

  “She doesn’t have a leg to stand on. Why would she fight?”

  She frowned at me. “You’re talking like you’re dealing with someone logical. She gave your daughter diet pills for diabetes. That’s a special kind of stupid. I ain’t trying to dog your baby mama but that level of ignorance is scary. I wouldn’t put anything past her.”

  I nodded. “You’re right.” I dipped my burrito in some green salsa and took a big bite, trying to catch the beans and tomatoes falling out the side. “This is the second time I should have had her butt arrested for leaving Brianna in the house alone.”

  “Uh, yeah. Your troubles could be over if that was on her record. Still, you need to let the social worker know exactly what happened. If Shauntae doesn’t give in easy and you have to go to court, you need that documented.”

  “You’re right. Thanks, Cassandra.” Seemed like I was always thanking her for something or other. I stood to go to the refrigerator to get us some juice. “So, tell me more about your non-profit.” I needed to change the subject. Even though she said Shauntae wasn’t as bad as her ex’s situation, I didn’t want to run her off by spending our afternoon talking about baby mama drama.

  We finished eating as she told me about her non-profit and all the different contracts she had. Seemed like she was doing really well at it. And she seemed really happy doing it. We moved the conversation into the living room and I got to ask her all the little things I had been wondering. The art pieces on her walls were all either done by herself or her students. She had been painting, singing, and dancing since she was five. The more she talked, the more I realized that my boring life consisted of little else than work and Brianna.

  Somehow our conversation turned to church stuff. I must have been soaking up more than I realized from church service and from reading the Bible she had given me, because I was able to hold my own in our dialogue. I liked the way she talked about God. Made Him seem cool to deal with. She was happy to hear that I had been praying more since the whole thing happened with Brianna. I figured God was my best shot at Brianna being as healthy as possible, so I better learn how to talk to Him. And I didn’t want to just talk to Him because I needed something from Him. I was trying to have a real relationship with Him, like the pastor was always talking about.

  We talked for hours and the vibe was so strong, I couldn’t remember ever feeling a woman the way I was feeling Cassandra. She felt like a hole that I was falling into and I wasn’t sure I wanted to catch myself. Was that what had happened to Chuckie? Was I gonna be talking about marriage in the next few months?

  The more we talked, the more I liked her and the more I felt her liking me. And here was a problem. By nature, I was an affectionate dude. I thought it was because my mom was touchy-feely when I was growing up. I found myself wanting to be hugged up with Cassandra, or lay my head in her lap or something. I knew she was touchy by nature too. I had to be careful with her, though. I knew she wasn’t one of those chicks who rushed into sex. She probably had a three-month rule or something like that because of her Christianity.

  She was telling me about all the stuff she liked to do and I was intrigued. She did a little bit of everything and seemed adventurous about trying new things. That could get to be an expensive habit for a dude trying to date her.

  “So what do you like to do?” she asked me.

  “I keep telling you, Cassandra, I’m a single dad. What I like to do often doesn’t even enter into the picture. And that will really be the case now that I have Brianna full time.”

  “Your parents keep her sometimes, though. What did you do with your weekends when Shauntae had her?”

  I shrugged. “Not much. Hung out with the boys until Chuckie started seeing Tisha. I don’t know. I guess I’m a boring dude.”

  She frowned. “We’ll have to do something about that.”

  I let out a big yawn.

  “I guess I better let you get some rest before your parents bring Brianna home, huh?”

  “Yeah, I better lay it down.” I thought about tossing and turning with issues and problems running through my mind like before. For some reason, Cassandra really calmed me down. She had this peace thing that entered the room when she came. It was almost like a drug. “You don’t have to leave. I could lie down here on the couch and you could stay. I could put on a movie or music or something for you.” I moved to the end of the couch where she was and laid my head on her shoulder.

  She ran her fingers over my scalp for a few minutes and I felt myself going to heaven. There wasn’t any better feeling than the soft touch of a woman’s hand on my clean-shaven head. We sat there for a few minutes and I felt myself falling asleep. Just as I was nodding off, she said, “Devon, I better go.”

  “Aw, man, you ain’t got to leave. Where you gotta be?” I realized I was putting myself out there, but honestly, Cassandra had me feeling like I wanted her to stay forever.

  “Unh uh, playa. I already told you I broke my rules coming over here.”

  “What rules? Why you women always got a list of rules about everything? And we men are supposed to live by them but we don’t even know them.”

  She gave me a little plunk on the head. “Stop being silly. I’m not talking about women rules. I’m talking about God rules.”

  “Oh boy. That sounds serious.” I sat up and moved away from her a little bit. “What God rules?”

  “You know, the classic God rules. Basically, live holy. So I have my own personal rules to make sure I do that.”

  I had no idea what she was talking about but I didn’t want to let her know that. “So what are your personal rules?”

  “Well, I . . .” She stopped and chuckled for a second. “I don’t know what it is about you that makes me completely honest. And this might be too much information.”

  I leaned back so I could see her good. “I think I can take it.”

  She chuckled to herself again and her cheeks started to turn a little red. Whatever it was, she was embarrassed to tell me. Which made me want to know what it was all the more. “What? Just say it.”

  “Let me put it this way. It’s been a really long time since I had sex and so any little thing sets me off. I mean, I’m a church girl, but I really like . . . you know . . . intimacy.”

  I frowned, wondering if she was saying what I thought she was saying.

  She laughed at the apparent confusion on my face. “Let me be all the way real . . . I likes sex. A lot.” She laughed again at what I knew had to be shock on my face. “So I have to keep a strict set of rules to keep it from happening. Like not being at a man’s house alone and definitely not late at night. And all this affection? Not good for this here sista.”

  I furrowed my eyebrows. “What you mean?”

  “I mean that I’m very attracted to you and it’s been a long time since I had sex and it would be really easy to . . . fall.”

  I kept frowning. I realized I was gonna have to admit that I didn’t know what she was talking about. “Fall?”

  It was her turn to frown. “Yeah, fall. Into sexual sin. Fornicate. You know.”

  I sat there for a second processing what she was saying. “So you don’t . . . So you . . .”

  She laughed at me stuttering. “No, playa. I don’t.”

  I let out a low sigh and lay back against the couch. “Oh . . .”

  “I really take this Christianity thing seriously, Devon.”

  “Ummph.” There was nothing else for me to say.

  “It’s important to me that if I’m going to be in a relationship with somebody, they have that same level of commitment.”

  “Hmmmph.”

  “What does that mean?

  “I thought you were gonna tell me I had to wait three months. But .
. . never?”

  “Not never. Just until marriage.”

  “Hmmph.”

  “Is that all you can say?”

  I shook my head slowly from side to side. “So . . .” I let out a deep breath. “I’ve never been in a . . . relationship where I didn’t . . . you know. I mean, I know that’s what the Bible says and stuff, and that’s what my dad has always preached, but I mean . . .”

  “What?”

  “I didn’t know anyone ever actually followed that rule.” I thought for a second. “Don’t you think that’s something you should tell somebody from the very beginning?”

  She looked a little offended. “My bad, I automatically assumed that you would know. I guess when I realized you were playing yourself off to be a church dude, I should have known it would be a problem. Anyway, it’s whatever.” She stood up and picked up her bag from the armchair. “I better go.”

  I stood. “Wait a minute. You gonna leave like that?”

  She had an agitated look on her face. “I’ve been here before. Been interested in many a man and had to walk away because he didn’t want to commit to celibacy. You’re right—I should have said something before letting things get too far.” She wouldn’t even look me in the face. She started walking toward the front door.

  “Cassandra, wait.” I followed her and gently grabbed her by the wrist. “Wait.”

  She stood across from me in the small hallway, still not looking me in the eye.

  “I didn’t say I wasn’t willing to try. I just . . . You gotta give me a minute to get used to the idea. I wasn’t expecting . . .”

  “Trying isn’t good enough.” She finally looked up at me, a desperate look in her eyes. “Unless we’re both committed, it won’t work. I’ve tried it before and I messed up. Bad. And it really messed up my relationship with God. Nothing is worth that. Nothing’s more important to me than Him.” She gently pulled away from me and reached for the door. “Bye, Devon.”

  She didn’t give me a chance to say anything else and was gone.

  Sixteen

  “Daddy, did you do something to make Miss Cassandra mad?” This question came after I drove out of the parking lot after leaving church Sunday morning.